Let the Light In: Using Mindfulness to Cope With Darkness

In this week's Torah portion,Toldot, we are told that Yitzchak marries Rivkah at age 40. He is comforted from the loss of his mother, Sarah, when he marries her. In last week's Torah portion, we read how much he was comforted by Rivkah's presence. Rashi says that for the entire time that Sarah was alive, there was a constant light illuminating from her tent that was connected to her merit. This light returned when Rivka came into the tent. Yitzchak's darkness lifted.

Most of us have a little darkness now and then -- you know those days when, for whatever reasons, we feel a bit heavy, disconnected or less motivated than usual.

Sometimes the feeling comes after loss or sudden change. It could be sadness or grief, or just generally feeling blah. Or maybe it shows up out of the blue for no apparent reason whatsoever. It can make us feel empty, irritable, tired, guilty, and feeling bad about ourselves, and even frustrated or anxious after trying to “fix” whatever is wrong with us.

Sometimes we tend to avoid or resist what we’re feeling or numb ourselves with substances or activities that divert our attention, thinking we can push away the darkness, which only exacerbates the problem. Sometimes nothing we do seems to help. What if we learn to approach ourselves with patience and self-compassion and learn to become aware of whatever we’re feeling without being swallowed up by it?

In mindfulness, we intentionally turn -- with curiosity -- toward experiences that we might avoid. We "befriend" our experiences. Turning towards all our experiences can help us to shed some light on them.

One way to deal with thoughts is to examine them, another way is to observe sensations in our bodies. Sensations such as tension, pressure, heat, cold, tightness, heaviness or butterflies in the stomach. As trauma expert Bessel Van Der Kolk wrote, “our body keeps the score.” In other words, whatever we are experiencing in our minds also shows up somehow in our bodies. There's a constant connection between your body and mind, known as the mind-body connection.

Many of us may notice our thoughts and maybe feelings, but not necessarily our bodies and their physical sensations. We can learn a lot by paying attention to our physical sensations by taking a moment to notice what we’re feeling in our bodies. We can train ourselves to “get out of our heads” and notice what we are experiencing in the present moment, as opposed to regrets about the past or worries about the future. We work on practicing placing our attention where we want it to go, rather than ruminating, or thinking about something over and over. We recognize that thoughts come and go, and that they’re not necessarily facts. We try to accept the way things are, rather than wanting things to be different than they are. When we practice mindful meditation, we practice noticing our sensations, feelings and thoughts, without getting tangled up in them, which can help us see things in a fresh way.

How can we shed more light on our thoughts, feelings and sensations to improve mood and well-being?

How can we get more light on these days of less light? Light candles.

Candles play an important part in Jewish ritual. We light candles to remember Shabbat and bring light into our homes. We will soon celebrate Chanukah. The candles we light symbolize the ner tamid ("eternal light") from the Temple and the miracle of the continued illumination of the menorah, even though there was very little oil left. The Chanukah lights are placed in the window as a symbol to remind us that darkness can be dispelled with hope.

Here is a mindfulness meditation using a candle as the focus of the meditation.

You can observe your Chanukiah after you light it.

During the meditation, you will train yourself to focus your mind and your gaze on the flame, especially when thoughts come up and pull at your attention. Thoughts are natural but we can train ourselves to simply observe these thoughts rather than interact with them, and candle meditation is a good way to try this.

Instructions for Candle Meditation (5-10 minutes):

-Find a space where you won’t be disturbed. Sit straight, but relaxed. and make sure that your candle is at least 50cm/20 inches away from you, and

start to notice your breath. Breathing in, and breathing out.

-Stare at the candle and allow it to be the main focus of your mind.

-Hold your eyes steady.

-Take a few moments to bring your awareness to the flame – notice its color, how big or small it is. How does it feel to notice the candle in this way?

- When you feel distracted or bored –return your attention to the flame.

-When you feel your eyes getting tired or watery, you can close your eyes and focus your awareness on the image of the candle in your mind. Once you feel that the eyes are ready, you can open them again and focus once again on the candle

-Allow your breath to flow naturally without controlling it in any way.

-As you focus on the candle, imagine the light flowing into you with each inhalation.

-Continue to keep your eyes fixed on the flame.

Where is your mind right now? Return your attention to the candle when your mind has wandered.

-Taking a few more breaths to focus on the candle.

-Take a moment to slowly return your gaze and attention to the room.

The story of Chanukah teaches us that light can triumph over dark

As the winter begins and we experience more darkness, may we enable more light to enter our lives, giving us the capacity to manage the darker days with acceptance and patience. Winter, therefore, is a perfect time to start a mindful meditation practice.

Mindfulness to Cope With Darkness

For more information about the mindfulness course with Susie:

https://www.mindfulnesswithsusie.com/about-the-mindfulness-course-with-susie

Mindfulness With Susie

What's In A Name: Naming Our Feelings and Parshat Bereishit

We all would like to have meaning in our lives and feel good about what we do, which doesn't mean that we should avoid being bored or doing mundane tasks.

Nietzsche, in fact, suggested that boredom has a positive side and can be an impetus to achievement, a catalyst for action. It can provide an opportunity for thought and reflection.

In this week’s Parshat, Bereishit, man discovers purpose and meaning:

“Now the Lord G‑d took the man, and He placed him in the Garden of Eden to work it and to guard it.”

The work referred to here isn’t only the physical labor of cultivating and caring for a field, for what labor was needed on land that produced its produce almost instantly? Rather, the sages explain that this refers to spiritual labor. Man’s purpose is to reveal godliness in this world, as well as to refine the world and elevate it to a higher spiritual level according to our sages.

In all of creation only man, Adam, has the power to connect the physical and mundane with its spiritual source. As the Midrash says, “Adam was created both from the upper realms and the lower realms.”

As the Lubavitcher Rebbe once said: After Adam's sin, our job is to reconnect the spiritual with the mundane and coarse world.

Life might not be consistently interesting, but it does need to feel meaningful or purposeful in some way in order to hold our attention.

Boredom -- because it gives us more time to reflect -- might be telling us something about what is important to us, as well as enabling us to consider what is missing and what our purpose should be. And being curious about boredom might not only alleviate some of its negative effects, but it can also refocus our attention to what life should really be about.

How can we make room or cultivate space to figure out what might give us meaning in our lives? It starts with taking the time to “sit with” whatever we are feeling or experiencing.

In mindfulness practice, we name what we are feeling.

In Bereishit, When G-d created man, He asked Adam what names to give the animals, and -- according to the Midrash Bereishit -- he said, “This should be called an ox; that, a lion; that, a horse; that, an ass; that, a camel; and that an eagle…”

Then G-d asked him, “What shall be your name?” He answered, “Adam.” and G-d asked why. Adam explained, “Because I have been created from the ground (Hebrew: אדמה adama].”

People like to name things to bring order to their world. We can bring some order to our uncertain world by naming-- naming what we are feeling, naming what we are experiencing, naming the sensations in our bodies.

A key aspect of mindfulness practice is noticing and observing without judgment what we are experiencing in the present moment or naming what we notice. This can put some distance between us and our thoughts and emotions. For example, naming emotions "fear" or "sadness" can allow us to acknowledge these feelings and perhaps lessen their impact. Allowing ourselves to acknowledge what we are feeling is important to our emotional well-being.

And, when we feel overwhelmed with emotions, simply naming what we’re feeling, can be incredibly helpful. Dr. Daniel Siegel recommends the exercise “name it to tame it” as a means to make sense of our feelings and find balance. The process is exactly what it sounds like: when emotions arise, we try to describe our internal state without having to rationalize whatever we’re feeling. This short practice can help us calm down and bounce back more quickly.

Even if we are not used to noticing and giving room to our sensations and feelings, now is a good time to try this practice. We have the ability not only to name our experiences but also to open ourselves up to new ones. However, we do not have to be locked into our perception of ourselves, or someone else's preconceived notions of who we are, which is connected to the name we are given. We are more than our given name.

Our sages teach us that through our own choices and actions, each of us can name and rename ourselves.

To learn more about mindfulness: www.mindfulnesswithsusie.com

Get Gratitude!

A Gratitude and Mindfulness Practice and the Song of Ha’azinu

In this week’s Torah portion, Ha’azinu, Moses starts his farewell as the people’s leader with a song. Just as he sang a song of thanks and praise at the Red Sea after the Children of Israel were led out of Egypt, so he concludes his leadership with a song. The song is a history of the people of Israel and lessons that can be learned from all their experiences. He appeals to them to listen to these lessons, such as keeping their faith and recognizing all that G-d has done for them. The imagery is beautiful: “As an eagle that stirs up her nest and hovers over her young and spreads her wings, taking them …” G-d’s care for Israel is likened to a mother eagle who cares for her young.

But shortly after, we read that Israel became “fat” and ungrateful. We “forgot the One who brought us into this world”. Life was good and plenty in the land and we had what we needed. When things are difficult, it is easier to feel vulnerable and understand that what we have doesn't come only from us. We might be more likely to reach out, ask for help or cry,

When things are going well, we might forget that not all we have comes from us. We’re part of a family, a neighborhood and community and a bigger world. If we have faith, we believe that the source of good is outside of us, from G-d.

We are reminded to always remember this and never become too full of ourselves.

One way to do this is to cultivate a gratitude practice.

Gratitude allows us to notice our blessings and find balance amid life’s difficulties; mindfulness helps us handle tough times with acceptance, and compassion.

Gratitude is the intentional practice of noticing the good in your life. It relates to anything that makes you feel grateful, fortunate, or blessed. Some examples are gratitude for family and friends, community, health, home, job, pets, or personal belongings.

While gratitude may help you keep a balanced perspective about life — especially when things are difficult or falling apart — it’s not a cure-all.

Gratitude can’t take away the sting of life’s challenges, like job loss, heartbreak, or the death of a loved one. Sometimes painful emotions must be felt -– you must feel to heal.

While it may be tempting to try and cover up pain through gratitude, this may lead to unhealthy ways of coping through denial that negative events are taking place. Things are not sweetness and light all the time — and that’s OK. Ups and downs are part of life.

When you combine gratitude and mindfulness, it allows you to acknowledge the blessings in your everyday life and also sit with whatever you are experiencing right now -- in the present moment.

During hard times, a gratitude and mindfulness practice may help keep your perspective balanced.

For example, if you break up with your partner, it can help you:

• be non-judgmental about the pain you feel

• find positive takeaways from the experience

• prevent yourself from ruminating about what happened

• protect yourself from getting overwhelmed about what’s to come

With practice, it may become easier to gain more control over your mindset. If you can, try to work on it a little bit each day, one exercise at a time.

There are many ways to become more sensitive to the experience of gratitude and mindfulness. Here are some mindfulness gratitude exercises to get you started:

Gratitude bell: Set a daily alarm. When it goes off, pay attention to your senses (what you see, smell, taste, touch, and hear) then think of three things you’re grateful for.

• Gratitude journal: Start each entry by noticing where you are and how you feel. Next, list two to five things you feel grateful for.

• Mindfulness meditation: Start a meditation practice. You can find a guided meditation through one of the many available apps, like Insight Timer or headspace.

Oyinda Lagunju, health, well-being, and Mindfulness author, suggests this gratitude meditation

1. Begin by finding a comfortable seat, your eyes can either be closed or open with a soft gaze in front of you. sitting comfortably and with a straight spine. Allow your body to settle.

2. Now, take a few breaths. Let go of trying to control the breath. Let it move in and out naturally. Allow yourself to relax and let go of any tension or stress. Feel a sense of relaxed alertness, grounded yet present. And take a moment to appreciate how easy it is for most of us to breathe.

3. Noticing. Notice your current state of mind. How are you feeling right now? What is the tone of your mood? Take a moment to notice without judging if it’s good or bad.

4. And now, start to imagine what you have in your life to be grateful for. Start with feeling gratitude for the people and circumstances that led you to this moment here today. It could be your parents, grandparents, or other family members or friends, or anyone who has made a difference in your life. Pause

Feel gratitude for the opportunities you’ve had in life, education, travel and work experience.

5. Consider the health of your mind and body. Offer gratitude for your health and your body and all it does for you. Think of a part of your body that you are grateful for.

Now, consider your gratitude for the people in your life. Offer your gratitude to your immediate family members. Feel gratitude for your extended family. Feel appreciation for your coworkers and friends. Extend gratitude toward the mentors in your life who helped you grow into the person you are today. Pause

6. Now, consider your gratitude for the earth and your surroundings: For water. Food. And the air that you breathe every single day. Pause

And now, think of anything else that you feel gratitude for :

Think of and see clearly in your mind specific things for which you’re grateful. Each time, let gratitude fill your heart and say thank you:

• A place you appreciate. Listen to how it sounds. Imagine how it would smell.

• A meal or specific food. See it clearly in your mind. Imagine how it would smell and taste.

• An animal. See them greeting you. Notice what color they are. Observe how they play with you.

7. Continue to focus on this quality of gratitude for a few more moments. Really let it sink in. When you’re ready, open your eyes fully. Slowly come back into the room. Move any parts of your body that might feel stiff.

8. And as you go through the rest of your day, consider expressing your appreciation for the person you chose in this practice, it could be a text, an email, a card or simply a mental wish for them. Then notice how this expression of gratitude changes your day.

Moshe was grateful for all he was able to do, and accepting that at the end, he would not live to see the completion of his life's work and go with the people into Israel.

May we be grateful for all that we have, and accepting of what we don’t have yet.

LISTEN TO THIS ON THE INSIGHT TIMER APP:

https://insig.ht/X7FTBltMXtb

OR:

https://insighttimer.com/skeinon/guided-meditations/cultivating-gratitude-and-parshat-haazinu