On Facing Our Fears Mindfully: When The Well Dries Up

In this week’s Torah portion, Chukat, Bnei Yisrael, the Children of Israel, complain in the desert after Miriam dies and their water-well dries up. Because of Miriam’s merit, the people had a well that was always filled with water. Without the well, they might die.

They cried to Moses and Aaron:

“Why have you brought us out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? !” Implying it was Moses and Aaron’s fault, and not necessarily G-d’s plan.

The people had not experienced a lack of water in all their wanderings in the desert.

They were afraid. They allowed their fears -- and some say lack of faith -- to influence their reaction.

Our brains are wired to focus on fear to ensure our survival.

That’s a good thing.

For the cavemen, this ensured their survival. If our ancestors didn’t overreact to every sound in their environment, they could be attacked and eaten by a lion. We, on the other hand, are not threatened by literal death on a daily basis. Instead, we are threatened by our email inbox, traffic, worries about work deadlines, a disagreement we had with our spouse, and other daily experiences that create a sense of anxiety and fear.

According to Professor of Biology and Neurology, Robert Sapolsky, if you get chronically stressed, it’s going to affect your health. In other words, we've evolved to the extent that we literally "worry ourselves sick." Sapolsky studied primates considered to have relatively low real stressors and threats in their daily lives. It turns out that unhealthy primates, like unhealthy people, often have elevated resting levels of stress hormones such as Cortisol. Physiologically their bodies are activated in the absence of danger or threat –meaning internally they’re not calm. "Their reproductive system doesn't work as well, their wounds heal more slowly, and they have elevated blood pressure and heart problems. So they're not in great shape."

“99% of the beasts on this planet scream for 3 minutes on the savannah when they

are afraid, after which it’s over. We turn on the identical stress response for a thirty-year mortgage.”

So stress is a normal bodily response that isn’t necessarily bad by itself. The problem arises when your brain sounds the alarm for every little thing that happens.

Going back to the parsha, the people stressed because they were thirsty, but G-d had already taken them out of Egypt, split the red sea on their behalf, and gave them manna that fell from the sky to eat during their journey in the desert. They could have known that He would come through again and provide them with water.

How could mindfulness have helped the Children of Israel then, and how can the same techniques help us now?

As with all emotions, the practice of meditation can stabilize us enough in the midst of fear to help us see more clearly—to distinguish a false threat from a real threat that needs to be acted upon. Meditation can have an effect on the fears that we create in our own minds.

Let’s try this mindfulness practice to cope with our fears.

1)We can start our practice by naming our fear or whatever we’re feeling

Also known as name it to tame it : naming the emotions creates a distance between you and the reaction. You recognize that you’re experiencing an emotion, but you don't have to be caught up in or controlled by it.

Noticing and labeling emotions as they’re happening by saying to yourself:

I’m feeling ____________(fill in the blank)

2)Acknowledge the fear, perhaps by saying to yourself “I’m afraid or I’m suffering right now”. Sometimes admitting we are scared is harder than the actual fear.

3) Bring awareness to your body sensations. Simply noticing what sensations you’re experiencing in your body can soften the sensations and feelings and reduce unhealthy thoughts.

Take a moment; take a few breaths, and do a scan of different parts in your body to observe any sensations arising. Simply noticing without trying to change the sensations.

4) Befriend your fear, also known as leaning into fear

Whenever you feel fear, don’t avoid the feeling. Sit with it. For example, you have a fear of getting fired from your job or you have to visit your mother-in-law. Allow any and all feelings to come up and observe them. You can also label them as feelings which puts some space between the feeling and reaction, and prevents you from spiraling into imagined catastrophe.

Try to approach the feeling with compassion. Be kind toward yourself for being afraid, don't beat-up on yourself for being afraid. There is nothing wrong with being afraid, it's natural. Mindfulness can help us put that fear in proportion. See what happens when you stay with the fear, and see if you can notice it rise and fall in your mind and body.

This practice allows us to write our own stories about what we are experiencing in our emotional world. It becomes easier for us to recognize what’s happening in our body, and easier for us to signal to our brain that it’s okay to relax—and that can create a whole new story.

Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/31bcmlESEvISXWsEgUiTxa?si=yCwFvy6rSpWebD6RHma1mA&utm_source=copy-link

Or Insight Timer: https://insighttimer.com/skeinon/guided-meditations/facing-our-fears-mindfulness-and-parshat-chukat

To learn more about the next mindfulness course in Jerusalem (HEB): https://www.mindfulnesswithsusie.com/he/mindfulness-course-with-susie-lp

Anger and Rebellion: Noticing Sensations

In this week’s Torah portion, Korach, Korach accuses Moses: “You have gone too far”.

He challenged Moses’s leadership and accused him of elitism, he continued to say, “All the community is holy, all of them, and G-d is in their midst. Why do you then raise yourself above the congregation?” He was jealous of Moses’ position and authority.

It is human to be jealous.

There were times and opportunities when Korach could have stepped back to gain some perspective and process his feelings, to assess the situation in a different manner.

Jumping to conclusions about someone else without knowing all the facts is destructive to relationships, such as when parents, at the height of their anger, punish their children.

The word for "nose" in Hebrew is af, and the word for Anger is charon-Af/flared nose, for when people get angry, their nostrils flare. G‑d is called Erech Apayim, literally "long-nosed," to describe His patience, as a loving father is to his child who errs.

So perhaps, the best advice when angry is to focus on the breath, specifically through the nose. When one feels the fire of anger ignited, it's a good idea to breathe in through the nose.

In other words, practice mindful meditation. Maybe Korach should have done some mindful breathing practices.

A 2016 study that researched anger and its physiological manifestations showed that people made angry by the researchers became much calmer, as evidenced by lower heart rate and blood pressure, after only 20 minutes of meditation, even if they had never meditated before.

Practicing meditation can help protect our bodies and minds from the harmful physical stress of anger. It is possible that people who choose to do meditation long-term are more likely to be less reactive in the first place.

Emotions show up in our bodies. We have all had butterflies in our stomachs when we are nervous or a feeling of warmth in our chest when we are touched by someone or something.

It can be more helpful to attend to the physical sensations in the body connected to emotions, rather than thinking about those emotions. Why? Because physical sensations don’t move as quickly as thoughts, so they’re easier to hold in our awareness.

They shift and change. And simply noticing the sensations in our body can provide us with a kind of grounding that can calm us down.

We’re going to do a practice of noticing sensations in the body. I will leave spaces (with no talking) for you to take a moment and observe sensations in your body.

We’ll begin by finding a comfortable place to sit on a chair, on the floor. It doesn’t matter where you sit, but the attention that you bring to the practice. So wherever you can be the most awake and attentive. We’re going to be paying attention to body sensations. Placing your feet on the floor, your hands on your thighs, and sitting upright in an alert and comfortable way.

Noticing how your feet feel on the floor, noticing your hands on your thighs, and noticing the contact that your body makes with the chair, the ground or a cushion. Noticing your spine, if it’s resting on the chair or slightly off your chair.

Observing your breath and what it feels like to be breathing in this moment.

Bringing awareness to your physical sensations as you inhale, and as you exhale.

(pause)

And noticing your breath and the air entering and leaving your body.

Can you feel the air as it enters your nose? Is it warm or cool… Focusing on the temperature of the air as it enters your nose and leaves your nose. ( Pause)

Paying attention to the sensations in your chest with each in-breath and each out- breath.

Perhaps Contracting; expanding? Tightness; heaviness, lightness, a sense of flow…… Just noticing . pause

And now focusing on the stomach as the breath goes in and out.

What sensations do you notice there? Being curious about whatever you are noticing in your body right now. Expanding, contracting….. queasy, butterflies, knots,

lightness, calm?

And now noticing your clothing on your body.

Observing where you feel your clothing: is it tight or loose? Rough or soft?

We’re going to take a few moments to notice what’s happening in your body and any sensations arising, or falling away. Sensations such as: warmth, /heat, clammy or sweaty, coolness, dryness, tingling, prickly, trembling ,an itch, heaviness , tension, stiffness, or perhaps numbness, relaxed..

Take a few moments now to scan your body from head to toe (or toes to head) PAUSE

And now bringing awareness to sensations in one place in your body– your face ,

your chest or stomach; your back or legs…….

As you notice a sensation arising in your body, you can move your awareness to that sensation. For example, you become aware that you have an ache in your right knee. Move your awareness to the sensations in the right knee. Observing if the knee is it hot or cold?

Then maybe that sensation starts to fade, and you notice another sensation, this time an itch on the ear. Maintain your stillness and be aware of the itch. As this passes, another sensation might arise. Taking another moment and observing any and all sensations

You can widen your focus by noticing sensations coming from different places in your body, and also narrow your focus by paying attention to a specific place in your body when you notice a sensation.

Being mindful of physical sensations in the body can help you to become more connected to your body. You can start to differentiate between discomfort, and pain. It also helps with relaxing the body, as when you scan your body, you start to notice areas of tension and can start to allow yourself to relax.

Another advantage of noticing your bodily sensations is grounding yourself in the “now” -in your present reality as experienced through your body. This practice helps to achieve this groundedness in the present.

Taking a moment to appreciate taking care of yourself in this way.

While most of us don't get angry enough to incite rebellions like Korach, we can benefit from making an intention to continue with this practice.

You can listen to this on Insight Timer:

https://insighttimer.com/skeinon/guided-meditations/anger-and-rebellion

Or Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6ihNa5ILdQ0gjyb3BTNvB2

For more information about mindfulness with Susie:

https://www.mindfulnesswithsusie.com/about-the-mindfulness-course-with-susie

HEBREW

https://www.mindfulnesswithsusie.com/he/mindfulness-course-with-susie-lp

Complaining Versus Gratitude

In this week’s Torah portion Sh’lach, the people requested to check out the land of Israel before they enter. Twelve princes --people of stature--one from each tribe,

are chosen to go “spy” out the land of Israel, presumably to learn the character of the land and habits of its inhabitants or to help develop a military strategy.

They come back with a mixed report and conclude that it’s not possible to go into the promised land due to the inhabitants, who are giants and “stronger than them….. We are grasshoppers in their sight.” The people heard their report, panicked and said that it would have been better to die in the wilderness rather than try to enter the land that

G-d has promised them.

How is it that these same people who saw miracle after miracle and felt G-d’s constant protection and bounty were wailing to go back to Egypt, the land of their enslavement?

In times of prosperity there is a risk of ingratitude and forgetting all that we have.

Most of us are fortunate and have what we need–good health, family, employment.

We have a lot of good in our lives, but when things are not 100% right, we complain.

We are actually hard wired to remember the negative.

The negativity bias refers to our proclivity to “attend to, learn from, and use negative information far more than positive information”

Negative events often elicit stronger responses than non-negative events.

Which might explain why we often recall and think about insults more than compliments, dwell on unpleasant events more than pleasant ones, and focus our attention more quickly on negative rather than positive information

Gratitude is built into daily Jewish life.

The first thing we say when we wake up in the morning is Modeh Ani, thanking G-d for restoring our souls to us after a night’s sleep.

We are taught very early on in our lives, not to take things for granted and to demonstrate our appreciation and thankfulness and feelings of gratitude towards all kindness received and from whom we receive them. The first part of our morning prayers are blessings -called Birchot Hashachar– for things we may take for granted– getting out of bed, being able to see, the ability to walk, having our needs provided for, and so on.

How many of us wake up in the morning and really count our blessings? Many of us take these precious gifts and so many others for granted

Being grateful means we have less to complain about. It makes life happier, being conscious of all that we have

Gratitude is a positive state of mind and expressing it gives us a sense of contentment and well being

According to Rabbi Eliezer Weisz of Kfar HaRoeh, in our daily lives, we must see

“That it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but the gratefulness that makes

us happy.”

Also, showing gratitude to other people brings happiness to the recipient.

Gratitude and appreciation are important in building healthy relationships

How do we look at the “big picture” before we start complaining? The big picture is that there is an abundance of blessings we are enjoying despite the bumps in the road that we sometimes go over.

How can we learn to cultivate gratitude?

And how can mindfulness practice help us?

Let’s start a mindfulness meditation on gratitude.

Settling in, in your chair, the floor or your bed. Inside or outside.

Where you are, is less important than the intention you bring to the practice.

Start with noticing something simple you are experiencing at this moment.

It could be the side of a tree swaying gently in the wind, or the warmth of sunlight on your skin, or maybe the experience of comfort from the chair you are sitting in, or the simple wonder of pausing in the midst of your busy life to engage with this practice right now.

Choose one thing to notice and allow it fully into your experience.

Let appreciation and gratitude arise and fill your body and mind (pause).

And now thinking of something else we may take for granted: the things that you use that support your work and your personal life. Your computer, your books, work space, car, equipment or tools, or anything else.

Choose one thing and consider all that was needed for it to be created.

Maybe you bought it at the store or received it from someone, but someone took the time to make it.

Appreciate and feel gratitude that you have access to these things. (pause)

And taking a moment to feel gratitude for people you work and live with.

Think of a particular person whose work or effort directly supports your work in life. Appreciate their contribution, their good intention, saying in your mind to them,

“Thank you.” (pause)

Now bring to mind someone you care about. Picture them in your mind.

Think about what this person means to you. What you appreciate about them, who they are, the support you have received, and the impact that they’ve had in your life.

As you imagine them, notice what feelings you are experiencing, what sensations are coming up in your body, especially those in the area of your heart. Maybe feeling that area around your heart expanding.

Let yourself express gratitude towards them. Thanking them for being who they are and for their presence in your life. Imagine them receiving your gratitude.(pause)

Now bring to mind something, in particular, you are grateful for today. Feel the appreciation and gratitude for its presence in your life.

As you bring these things to mind for what you’re grateful for, allow yourself to rest in the experience. (pause)

When you cultivate the practice of gratitude, you may even find yourself able to be grateful for difficult or unpleasant experiences.

If you’d like to bring to mind an experience in your life that is challenging, one for which you’d like to be able to express gratitude.

Offer your gratitude and appreciation. Thank this challenge for what it may offer you. Gratitude for our body, gratitude for our mind, gratitude for the simple fact of being alive at this moment (pause).

Finally, appreciate the opportunity to pause and experience this very practice of gratitude in itself. For all that you have brought to mind during this meditation, for all of the countless gifts in your life, say, “Thank you.”

Allow the sense of gratitude to fill you completely as you breathe in and breath out.

Settling on the breath right here, right now, fully alive and present in this very moment.

Finish with a full deep breath in and a long breath out.

Gently and slowly open your eyes and return your awareness to the place where you are.

If you’d like to continue practicing gratitude meditation, make an intention to think about something you feel grateful for every morning right when you wake up. You could write it down in a journal.

I am grateful for you for joining me in this practice.

Listen to this on Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6T2wqnoW2e7c40T8aqRyGo?si=WT4-qhT1Tce0jqYwx4

Follow Me on Insight Timer: https://insighttimer.com/skeinon/guided-meditations/complaining-versus-gratitude-mindfulness-and-parshat-shlach