Mind the Gap: Reacting Mindfully and Parshat Ki Titzei

In this week’s Torah portion, Ki Titzei, 74 of the Torah's 613 commandments are mentioned.

A few of the commandments have to do with helping us be more careful in our behaviors and actions, such as dealing with a rebellious son, returning lost property, and building railings on rooftops. Another example is marrying a captive of war.

“If you see a beautiful woman amongst the captives of war and you desire her, and would like to marry her, bring her home and shave her head and cut her nails…and she shall stay in your house for 30 days while she cries for her parents."

How do we understand this? One possibility is that this is a humane gesture to the captive; she is given time to mourn her family and begin to come to terms with her new life.

The rabbis also believe that although the Torah does give in to the 'evil inclination' of the Jewish soldiers and permits them to take women captives as wives, it really prefers that this doesn't happen.

The Ramban explains that this is only a case where he isn't just interested or attracted to her, but in fact where his desires overcome him. And so the Torah recommends these mourning customs, which are meant to make the woman unattractive to her Jewish captor and convince him to forget the whole thing, not marry her, and let her go. Her sitting in his house, crying, with a shaved head, no manicure, dressed in mourning for 30 days is meant to present a not-so-pretty picture, and, hopefully, the soldier will no longer find her so desirable and will set her free. The commentator Ibn Ezra, says that the Hebrew term יפה תואר means beautiful in his eyes.

If he finds her beautiful, he must spend 30 days with her when she is intentionally made unattractive, and then he can get to know her and see her as she really is. Will she remain beautiful in his eyes?

The Torah creates some room or a gap to help reflect before jumping into a big

decision -- marriage.

This past week, I was on vacation and took a train between two cities.

They kept announcing “mind the gap” at each stop before getting on and off the train.

Gaps are easier to manage when we’re aware of them.

The unconscious gaps can get us into trouble.

Viktor Frankl wrote:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”

The width of the gap between stimulus and response, and our freedom to choose, is dependent on our awareness of it. The more conscious we are of the gap, the wider it becomes and the more space we have in how we respond, what we do and how we behave.

By widening the gap — in other words, when we increase our conscious awareness of the fact that we have a choice in our responses to stimuli - we make better choices.

As we all know too well, the pace of life tends to come at us very quickly. The more caught up in life we become, the more we are likely to find ourselves swept up in the daily rhythm and flow, often responding to events and stimuli instantly, with less thought than we would like.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could slow things down a bit and make decisions coming from a place of a little more thought and awareness?

How can we widen the gap and create some space before we react or make decisions? One way is by starting a meditation practice.

Many people don’t try meditation because they believe it’s difficult to practice or is only effective in lengthy sessions. Not true!

Even a shorter meditation can help reduce stress and allow you to react in healthier ways.

Set a timer for five minutes, so you can relax and not worry about how long to stay in the meditation. Schedule a time –make an appt with yourself!

A few tips to help you before you start your meditation:

*To get in the right position to meditate, you can choose to sit on a chair or on the ground. You can also lie down, whatever allows you to be most alert.

Making sure you’re comfortable and your body is supported.

*If you sit in your chair, make sure your back is supported and your feet flat on the floor.

Sit up straight, so that your head and neck are in line with your spine. You may place a pillow behind your lower back or under your hips for added support.

A straight spine straight helps you stay alert.

*You can rest your hands on your thighs with your palms facing down. Keeping your hands placed down is said to be more grounding, but place your hands wherever it feels comfortable for you.

*Keep your shoulders relaxed and comfortable as you draw them slightly back and down. This helps keep your heart center open and your back strong.

Try to release any tension in your jaw.

*Most people find it easier to meditate with closed eyes. Avoid squeezing your eyes shut. Softly closing them will help you keep your face, eyes, and eyelids relaxed. You can also meditate with your eyes open focusing your gaze on a spot in front of you.

*Try to stay awake. But if you fall asleep, don't give yourself a hard time. We approach this practice, like all practices, in a gentle and non-critical way towards ourselves.

Let's start by taking a breath and leaving behind whatever you were just doing.

Can you hear any sounds around you, feel the air around you, and the temperature?

All these things are part of this moment. You don’t need to do anything but notice them.

Be aware of them (pause).

And now bringing your attention to your breath, and the fact that you're breathing.

You don’t need to do anything about the way you are breathing. You don’t need to breathe deeply.

The way you are breathing is just fine. Just be aware of the breath.

Be aware of breathing in when you’re breathing in, and be aware of breathing out when you’re breathing out. (pause)

Notice where you feel the breath most-- maybe in the nose or nostrils, the throat, the chest as it expands and contracts, or the stomach as it rises and falls. There is no right place, just notice.

Where is your breathing most felt? Let your attention rest on that spot, being curious about the physical sensations of the breath. (pause)

As you breathe in, thinking to yourself, “breathing in” and as you breathe out, thinking

“Breathing out” (pause)

From time to time your mind is going to wander. That’s to be expected. That’s what the mind does. So whenever we notice that our mind has gone wandering, we gently bring it back to observing the breath,

If it helps you to focus, try saying to yourself “breathing in “on the inbreath, and “breathing out” on the outbreath. (pause)

No matter where the mind has gone, whether it’s gotten distracted by thoughts, sounds, feelings, or sensations, gently bringing it back to the physical sensations of the breath……..

“Breathing in, and breathing out…” (pause)

And before we end, noticing how your body feels right now.

You might want to take the time to thank yourself for having taken the time to nourish yourself in this way, strengthening the ability to be fully present with the breath and to every moment and every experience of your life.

And remembering that you always have the breath as your anchor -- to the here and now– and to widen your own gap.

LISTEN TO THIS ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4UfdheZN7jwgGMVqwttOMj?si=Ifg-yezFSm24r_yC0kERog

To join the next mindfulness course with Susie:

https://www.mindfulnesswithsusie.com/about-the-mindfulness-course-with-susie

https://www.mindfulnesswithsusie.com/he/mindfulness-course-with-susie-lp (HEB עברית)

Mindfully S-T-O-P, Look, and Listen & Parshat Re'eh

Mindfully S-T-O-P: Creating a Mindful Space to Choose and Parsaht Re'eh

In this week’s Torah portion Re’eh, we are given two paths to choose from: a blessing and a curse. We have free will to choose. If we follow the commandments (mitzvot) we shall be blessed in the Land of Israel. But if we don't, we won't. There is right and there is wrong, and according to what we learn in this Torah portion, things such as eating the blood of an animal, human sacrifices, sexual immorality, following false prophets, and not releasing slaves are just a few of the things that are forbidden and lead to a corrupt society without blessings.

Free will in Judaism is the capacity to choose between different courses of actions, words, or thoughts; a choice between right and wrong.

This idea that human beings can exercise their own free will when making moral decisions is key in Judaism.

In Judaism we believe that we need not despair because as low as a person has fallen, he can always turn around and fix his mistake. G‑d is compassionate--he forgives transgressions, and He shows patience. Human beings have the capacity to change.

Change is possible when you have free will, but the ability to turn yourself around can come only from within you.

Back to our Torah portion—to help us understand the blessings and the curses, the Torah mentions two mountains– Gerizim “the mountain of the blessing”, and Ebal the “mountain of the curse”. As Moses commands the people: Six tribes stood on Gerizim and six on Ebal. The Kohanim turned to Gerizim and proclaimed: “Blessed is he who keeps…” and continued to single out each individual mitzvah (commandment) the nation is instructed to perform, and the people answered “Amen.” Then the Kohanim turned to Ebal and proclaimed: “Cursed is he who…” and enumerated the Torah's prohibitions.

Two mountains of equal elevation, and on each mountain an equal number of tribes.

According to Rabbi Nachman Kahana, the two mountains reflect an important lesson – that the world is a duality. On the one side, morality; on the other, evil and sin.

We are also divided– between the yetzer hatov and yetzer harah, the instinct for good vs the instinct to do evil.

The good and beauty of Har Gerizim within us vs the evil and barren Har Ebal.

What can help us when making a choice or deciding how to proceed?

There is a mindfulness practice that can help us to pause before we react or make a decision.

It’s called the STOP practice and can take just a couple of minutes.

First, there is

S = Stop

Stop what you’re doing; put things down for a minute.

T = Take a breath

Take a few deep breaths. If you’d like to extend this, you can take a minute to breathe normally and naturally and follow your breath coming in and out of your nose.

O = Observe

Observe your experience just as it is—including thoughts, feelings, and emotions. You can reflect on what is on your mind, and also notice that thoughts are not facts. Notice any emotions present and how they’re being expressed in the body. Research shows that just naming your emotions can turn the volume down on the fear circuit in the brain and have a calming effect. Notice your body’s sensations.

P = Proceed

Proceed by continuing without expectation. Let your attention now move around you, sensing how things are right now. Rather than react habitually, you can be curious and open.

You can practice STOP before making a decision, and also just stop during your day to be more present in what you are doing. Get curious about where there are opportunities in the day for you to just STOP—waking up in the morning, taking a shower, before eating a meal, at a stop light, or before sitting down at work.

By taking a moment to stop before we choose, we create a space before we react or decide, and then we can truly exercise our free will and react in ways that are more true to ourselves and healthier for the people around us.

What would it be like in the days, weeks, and months ahead if you started stopping more often?

LISTEN TO THIS ON INSIGHT TIMER APP: https://insig.ht/OWCrbSE8Lsb

OR: https://insighttimer.com/skeinon

Mindful Eating and Parshat Eikev

In this week’s Torah portion, Eikev, we learn about the blessings and the warnings given to Am Yisrael,the Children of Israel, if they don’t follow the commandments and keep the covenant that G-d made with them. The blessings include fertility of the land and the people, health, and protection from our enemies, just to name a few.

We ought to be aware of all the good we have and not take it for granted.

We should be careful not to get haughty and think that all blessings come from us.

The goodly land of Israel is described to us:

"A land of wheat and barley, vines and figs, and pomegranates, a land of olive oil and dates. an We shall always have bread and we shall lack for nothing."

After we have filled our stomachs and feel satiated, we are commanded to

“Bless G-d, who has given us this good land.”

​We​ are required to try and cultivate appreciation of all the good we have around us. B​lessing G-d , which is mentioned here, is the source for the commandment to bless our food after we have eaten (Birkat Hamazon or grace after meals). G-d is the giver of all food הזן את הכל and we are the receivers of his care.​ This food and this land that grows the food are not to be taken for granted.

This is one lesson that we need to take with us as well, to appreciate all the good around us. One way to do this is to start a mindful eating practice.

Mindful eating is about paying attention to what we eat and how much we eat by using our senses to be fully present in the experience.

This means practicing awareness before, during, and after eating to fully experience the process of eating. Mindful eating can improve body image, weight, and digestive health.

Eating mindfully centers around thoughts, emotions, and sensations during meals. Here are some examples :

Thoughts: Where did the ingredients come from? How, and by whom was it prepared? What are the colors, smells, and textures?

Emotions: What kind of emotions does this food evoke? Happiness? Disgust? Guilt? Satisfaction? Do the smells bring back any memories?

Physical Sensations: How hungry am I right now? What are the feelings of satisfaction vs fullness?

You can experience more enjoyment from the food you consume by shifting your focus from multitasking to only eating. Then you can taste your food and reflect on each bite.

How to Practice Mindful Eating:

Here are some general tips for getting started:

1.Remove distractions: Removing distractions like phones, televisions and books will allow you to focus only on your meal or snack.

2. Mindful eating can start at the grocery store: It can start with your grocery list. Look at your list of items and consider each one. How will it be used? How did the item get to the grocery store (the farmers, distributors, stock people)?

3. Pause when you feel hungry: Sometimes other emotional states like stress or boredom can feel like hunger. Pausing to consider whether you are truly hungry before eating can help sort out the difference between physical hunger and other needs. Some of us were raised to clean our plates and finish all of our food. Now might be a good time to reevaluate this behavior.

If you would like to try this practice now, take a moment to get something to eat- it could be a small piece of fruit (a raisin) a piece of chocolate , or a nut (almond) or anything

*4. Slow down before eating: Before starting to eat your snack or meal, take a couple of minutes to pause and think about the food you are about to eat. Approach it with curiosity. What colors are on the plate? What shapes and textures do you see? What do you smell? If there is handheld food, what does it feel like in your hand? Take a couple of minutes to experience the food with your eyes and nose before tasting it. If you like, take a moment to be thankful for everyone who made it possible for you to be eating this food.

Before you put this food in your mouth, take a moment and put it to your lips. Take a moment to feel what it's like to experience it with your lips. What is happening inside your mouth? Your stomach? How does it feel to eat in this way?

When you're ready, put the food in your mouth, and notice what it's like on your tongue and the roof of your mouth before your chew it. Roll it around in your mouth.

*5. Slow down while eating: Mindfulness is all about fully experiencing the present moment. The only way to do that is to slow down each action during the eating process. Chew each bite of food before swallowing. Notice the full flavor profile of your food before your swallow it. Start to chew and imagine it going down to your stomach.

Take as long as you need to in this practice.

Take pauses to check in with your hunger level.

6. Be non-judgmental: We all have different thoughts and feelings surrounding food. Acknowledge when any thoughts occur without judging yourself. Notice any thoughts as simply a thought you have towards food, and then move your attention back to all of your senses in the present moment as you eat your meal or snack.

7. Stop when you are full: Mindful eating includes focusing on hunger cues and stopping when you are satisfied instead of eating until you are stuffed or have finished all your food.

Mindful eating may not feel natural at first, especially if you are used to eating with distractions around you. Consider trying for just one snack or small meal to get started. Try it out and be open to a more mindful experience with the food you eat.

Our food provides us with the nutrition we need to survive and maintain health by nourishing each organ, tissue, and cell of the body.

Food is literally life. Whether we bless our food before and after we eat it or appreciate what we have on a regular basis and notice that it all comes from sources outside of us, mindful eating is a wonderful way to cultivate appreciation and gratitude. And that can help us be more present and fully enjoy other moments in our life.

To listen to this on Insight Timer App: https//insig.ht/SzYACz4kAsb

Or: https://insighttimer.com/skeinon/guided-meditations/mindful-eating-and-parshat-eikev