Mindful Eating and Parshat Eikev

In this week’s Torah portion, Eikev, we learn about the blessings and the warnings given to Am Yisrael,the Children of Israel, if they don’t follow the commandments and keep the covenant that G-d made with them. The blessings include fertility of the land and the people, health, and protection from our enemies, just to name a few.

We ought to be aware of all the good we have and not take it for granted.

We should be careful not to get haughty and think that all blessings come from us.

The goodly land of Israel is described to us:

"A land of wheat and barley, vines and figs, and pomegranates, a land of olive oil and dates. an We shall always have bread and we shall lack for nothing."

After we have filled our stomachs and feel satiated, we are commanded to

“Bless G-d, who has given us this good land.”

​We​ are required to try and cultivate appreciation of all the good we have around us. B​lessing G-d , which is mentioned here, is the source for the commandment to bless our food after we have eaten (Birkat Hamazon or grace after meals). G-d is the giver of all food הזן את הכל and we are the receivers of his care.​ This food and this land that grows the food are not to be taken for granted.

This is one lesson that we need to take with us as well, to appreciate all the good around us. One way to do this is to start a mindful eating practice.

Mindful eating is about paying attention to what we eat and how much we eat by using our senses to be fully present in the experience.

This means practicing awareness before, during, and after eating to fully experience the process of eating. Mindful eating can improve body image, weight, and digestive health.

Eating mindfully centers around thoughts, emotions, and sensations during meals. Here are some examples :

Thoughts: Where did the ingredients come from? How, and by whom was it prepared? What are the colors, smells, and textures?

Emotions: What kind of emotions does this food evoke? Happiness? Disgust? Guilt? Satisfaction? Do the smells bring back any memories?

Physical Sensations: How hungry am I right now? What are the feelings of satisfaction vs fullness?

You can experience more enjoyment from the food you consume by shifting your focus from multitasking to only eating. Then you can taste your food and reflect on each bite.

How to Practice Mindful Eating:

Here are some general tips for getting started:

1.Remove distractions: Removing distractions like phones, televisions and books will allow you to focus only on your meal or snack.

2. Mindful eating can start at the grocery store: It can start with your grocery list. Look at your list of items and consider each one. How will it be used? How did the item get to the grocery store (the farmers, distributors, stock people)?

3. Pause when you feel hungry: Sometimes other emotional states like stress or boredom can feel like hunger. Pausing to consider whether you are truly hungry before eating can help sort out the difference between physical hunger and other needs. Some of us were raised to clean our plates and finish all of our food. Now might be a good time to reevaluate this behavior.

If you would like to try this practice now, take a moment to get something to eat- it could be a small piece of fruit (a raisin) a piece of chocolate , or a nut (almond) or anything

*4. Slow down before eating: Before starting to eat your snack or meal, take a couple of minutes to pause and think about the food you are about to eat. Approach it with curiosity. What colors are on the plate? What shapes and textures do you see? What do you smell? If there is handheld food, what does it feel like in your hand? Take a couple of minutes to experience the food with your eyes and nose before tasting it. If you like, take a moment to be thankful for everyone who made it possible for you to be eating this food.

Before you put this food in your mouth, take a moment and put it to your lips. Take a moment to feel what it's like to experience it with your lips. What is happening inside your mouth? Your stomach? How does it feel to eat in this way?

When you're ready, put the food in your mouth, and notice what it's like on your tongue and the roof of your mouth before your chew it. Roll it around in your mouth.

*5. Slow down while eating: Mindfulness is all about fully experiencing the present moment. The only way to do that is to slow down each action during the eating process. Chew each bite of food before swallowing. Notice the full flavor profile of your food before your swallow it. Start to chew and imagine it going down to your stomach.

Take as long as you need to in this practice.

Take pauses to check in with your hunger level.

6. Be non-judgmental: We all have different thoughts and feelings surrounding food. Acknowledge when any thoughts occur without judging yourself. Notice any thoughts as simply a thought you have towards food, and then move your attention back to all of your senses in the present moment as you eat your meal or snack.

7. Stop when you are full: Mindful eating includes focusing on hunger cues and stopping when you are satisfied instead of eating until you are stuffed or have finished all your food.

Mindful eating may not feel natural at first, especially if you are used to eating with distractions around you. Consider trying for just one snack or small meal to get started. Try it out and be open to a more mindful experience with the food you eat.

Our food provides us with the nutrition we need to survive and maintain health by nourishing each organ, tissue, and cell of the body.

Food is literally life. Whether we bless our food before and after we eat it or appreciate what we have on a regular basis and notice that it all comes from sources outside of us, mindful eating is a wonderful way to cultivate appreciation and gratitude. And that can help us be more present and fully enjoy other moments in our life.

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Coping With Disappointments Mindfully and Parshat Ve'etchanan

Parshat Va’etchanan, the parsha that is always read on Shabbat Nachamu, the Shabbat of Comfort that comes after Tisha B'Av, is best known as the parsha that contains the Shema, which is central to our prayers.

And in this parsha we can also learn about hopes and warnings and disappointments.

Moses, who had given a lifetime of service to G-d and to the Children of Israel, was denied entry to the Land of Israel, in spite of his pleading with G-d to let him in.

Moses spent his life leading the people of Israel toward the Promised Land, but now

he would not be able to enjoy the fruits of his life’s work. Was Moses disappointed? Frustrated? Or was he hurt that his prayers weren’t answered and his dream was denied?

We all know the feeling of disappointment. Sometimes it is experienced as an emotional blow to the stomach, or in the chest– literally taking your breath away.

Other times it might make your throat become tight. Whatever your experience is like for you, disappointment can range from letting go of mild hopes to crushing your deepest life’s dream. No matter what form disappointment may take for you in any given situation, how you choose to handle that emotional experience makes all the difference between becoming more resilient and learning important lessons or deciding to give up on future happiness or success.

Carolyn Gimian, meditation teacher and author, teaches that there is a strong relationship between expectations, disappointment, and blame. Expectations are usually about the future. When they are not met, we are often disappointed, and this leads us to judge ourselves and others when things don’t go our way. Expectations set us up for disappointment. Blame deflects our disappointment. You can see this in the most mundane situations. For example, you make a reservation for dinner, but when you get to the restaurant, they can’t find your reservation and there are no tables available. Someone has to pay!

With small disappointments, humor can be a good remedy.

Really, is there nothing you can put on your salad to replace your favorite brand of salad dressing you just ran out of? Isn’t it even a little bit amusing that you’re so fixated?

Daily disappointment is often connected with the breakdown of a habit that we cling to. If you’ve been wearing the same brand and style of t-shirt for the last ten years, and suddenly it’s no longer being made, you're likely to be disappointed. But not getting what you’re accustomed to also wakes you up. You have to look around and see what else is available. For instance, when your coffee shop stops carrying your favorite dark roast, you have to look at the menu and consider other alternatives. Disappointment can turn out to be very refreshing.

When the great thing we longed for doesn’t live up to our expectations, we may wonder why we wanted it in the first place.

We might feel disappointed, in part because the purchased item doesn’t bring the hoped-for satisfaction.

When we feel fundamentally disappointed, it can be paralyzing. We blame ourselves and we may blame the people we live and work with, especially people that we're close to.

We can take it further and feel unworthy or become unable to achieve anything. We feel

not only disappointed but discouraged, which literally means to lose our courage.

When things really don’t go our way, how do we find the courage to not give up?

Through the quiet of mindfulness practice and being open enough, we can find value in every disappointment.

Disappointment isn’t something we can avoid in life, but it doesn’t have to be crippling. If we can try and see that our failures can be as valuable as our successes, we have the beginnings of a way to work with disappointment. The unacceptable alternative is to give up; to avoid taking a chance in life; to stay away from anything risky or uncertain.

When we are willing to risk disappointment and take a chance, we can celebrate that we have the courage to experience both disappointment, and the satisfaction of success.

Here are a few things that may help you to find quiet and openness when you are facing disappointment:

1. Make a point of simply acknowledging to yourself when you are disappointed.

Over a day or a week, notice when you’re disappointed because you don’t get what you want. Not changing it, just noticing.

2. Stop Ruminating, which means stop excessively dwelling on negative thoughts and feelings. The more you dwell on your disappointment, the harder it is to let go. Not only will it disrupt your ability to focus, but it will also prevent you from moving forward

3. Finding humor in a situation allows you to step back and see things more clearly.

This is not suggesting you make light of your emotional vulnerability, but rather recognize that laughing is like taking a deep breath and bringing everything back down to earth.

4. Be kind to yourself. There’s a difference between you and whatever disappointment you are experiencing. Appreciate yourself. Right now, when you are experiencing the worst disappointment of your life, you are there with it. It’s okay that you’re disappointed. Be kind to yourself.

5. If you have a few minutes – breathe through your disappointment. Take it in and let it out. Just stopping to notice our breath for a minute can make a big difference.

Or try this short guided practice:

Get settled, noticing the contact your body is making with whatever surface you’re sitting on, focusing on your in-breath and your out-breath.

And with each exhale, can you imagine yourself letting go of your feeling of disappointment– letting your body relax in your chair or wherever you're sitting?

And imagining a gentle breath towards your heart. Feeling a softening….

Letting go of your disappointment will help you create an opening, a space for more possibilities. What would you like to invite into this space right now? (pause)

What would you like to cultivate more of? And what inner strength would you like to encourage or help to grow? Can you imagine letting it in?

What do you need right now?

Any words of encouragement that you can tell yourself like something you might say to someone you care about?

Moses comes to understand the reality that every life, including his own, comes with limitations and disappointments, but there is hope for us when we can learn to befriend our disappointments.

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Compassionate Justice and Parshat Devarim

Compassionate Justice Leads to Self-Compassion: Parshat Devarim

This week’s Torah portion Deuteronomy, or Devarim, means words.

Moses gives a speech to the people of Israel before they enter the Land of Israel without him.

He talks about justice and appointing impartial judges to help him decide cases between the people.“Hear the causes between your brothers and judge righteously… Listen to small and great alike, for judgment belongs to G-d”

Judge righteously.

What does that mean? Judgment (משפט) goes together with righteousness (צדק).

Tzedek is difficult to translate– charity, righteousness, integrity, equity, fairness, but it’s more than strict justice.

The Rambam( Maimonides), says justice is giving everyone their due -it’s not charity. It’s the decent thing to do

Tzedek or justice must be reinforced with compassion.

Justice combined with compassion can create a more fair and humane society.

We are commemorating Tisha B’Av, a national day of mourning for the destruction of the first and second Temples this Sunday.

The reason for the destruction of the Second Temple was due to senseless hatred. In other words, compassion was lacking and people ignored those in need and judged people unfairly.

Have we learned our lesson? Are we still to blame for this today?

How can we cultivate a more compassionate society?

How can we treat people more kindly?

What about mindful self-compassion?

We’re often pretty good at demonstrating compassion for others, but not so much for ourselves.

According to Kristin Neff, researcher and expert on self-compassion,

"Self-compassion is kindness toward the self, which entails being gentle, supportive, and understanding: Rather than harshly judging oneself for personal shortcomings, the self is offered warmth and unconditional acceptance. In other words, being kind to ourselves in good times and bad, in sickness and in health—and even when we make mistakes."

Self-compassion is learned in part by connecting with our innate compassion for others, and it also helps to grow and sustain our compassion for ourselves.

To build a practice of mindful self-compassion takes time and requires, as you might guess, a lot of compassion. Most of us feel compassion when a close friend is struggling. What would it be like to receive the same caring attention whenever you needed it most? Try shifting the direction of your attention—recognizing that as a human being, you too, are a worthy recipient of compassion.If you notice your inner critic or negative thoughts about yourself, try bringing awareness to the critical inner voice—without trying to change anything. Maybe this voice is from your past? Can you soften it a little now?

Self -Compassionate Breathing Exercise

Let’s try this practice by Kristin Neff called affectionate breathing:

Settling into a comfortable position where your body is supported.

Close your eyes, or keep your eyes open and lower your gaze in front of you.

Getting in touch with your body and noticing any sensations in this moment.

Doing a quick scan of areas in your body -noticing if the sensations are pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral.

Take a few breaths to let out tension from your day.

Where do you feel the breathe most obviously or strongly?

Your nose, chest or stomach…. take a moment to observe your breath. Your body knows how to breathe itself so you don’t need to control it in any way.

Adopt a little half smile (not strained or forced) allowing the corners of your mouth to turn up a little. Notice how that makes you feel.

Maybe happiness with the present moment?

Breathing in and out and noticing how each in- breath and out-breath feels (pause).

Noticing how your body is nourished and perhaps energized with each breath.

Try to let your breath be touched with tenderness and care for yourself and others

Even if you don’t really feel it.

Allowing each breath to breathe in kindness for yourself and others ( pause)

Your mind will naturally wander as you do this.

Just notice. No need to judge yourself. Everyone’s mind wanders

The moment you notice, bringing your attention back to the breath is a moment of mindfulness.

Feeling some appreciation for your breath right now- it helps us stay alive.

Breathing in some kindness and affection for yourself and others(pause).

Remembering your little half smile.

If your mind wanders, gently bringing your attention back to noticing your breath

letting your breath comfort and soothe your body and releasing any tension there.

Noticing the gentle flow of your breath (pause)

The breath isn’t focused on improving style or rushing to reach the end of some daily to do list in order to take a break.

We can learn a lot from the breath from its natural rhythm, pace, and the way the breath continues its work, without making a big deal out of it.

Letting go of all efforts to change anything right now.

And allowing yourself to be held(pause).

Letting go of any ideas of meditating or achieving anything with permission to rest here, right now.

When you get distracted, bring awareness back to your breath without judgment.

Noticing any feelings being generated from your half smile and kindness being breathed in and out.

If it feels right to you , imagining your heart opening to receive these feelings of kindness (pause)

How does your body feel? What emotions are you feeling? (pause)

Allow yourself to rest in all of your experience and let yourself feel what you’re feeling.

Knowing that whenever you need it, you can come back to this anchor, this gentle rhythm of your breathing, like an internal caress– to be held and cared for whenever you need it.

Giving ourselves room to be human or flawed, allows us to kindly reflect and improve on ourselves, and that can impact how we treat ourselves, and others, and help in building a more compassionate and just society.

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