Shema: The Power of Mindful Listening

Listening With Intention: Sound and Parshat Ki Tavo

Listening is not an easy thing to do. It’s more than just hearing– true listening requires us to open ourselves up to another’s experience so that the person is truly seen and heard.

Philosopher Martin Buber is known for the I-thou relationship, as opposed to the I-it relationship, which means we see someone for who they are, and not just as an object.

Buber describes listening as “something we do with our full selves by sensing and feeling what another is trying to convey so that together we can remove the barrier between us.”

In this week’s Torah portion, Ki Tavo, the Jewish people learn about the blessings and the curses before going into the Land of Israel. Moshe says to the people, Be silent Israel and listen (Deut.27:9) before he mentions the blessing and curses. 

It’s not just about hearing or even obeying, it’s about understanding and truly internalizing making the “right choices” and learning from the wrong ones.  

When we received the Torah on Mount Sinai, we heard the blasts of the shofar and said, “We will listen…    to the commandments of the Torah”

And one of our most important prayers that we recite three times a day starts with 

Shema Yisrael, “Hear O Israel…”

On Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, which is approaching. the only commandment we have is to hear the shofar. Hearing the shofar is intended to “wake us up” and examine all our deeds from the past year.

It could also be understood as “Pay Attention!”

What is it about hearing that is so important compared to the other senses?

According to Seth Horowitz, neuroscientist and author of The Universal Sense, hearing is an underrated sense. 

Hearing, and sound shape the mind and affect the way we think, feel, and act.

He explains that “much of the emotional impact of sound dwells beneath conscious thought.”

Hearing is the fastest of all the senses -- we process sound much faster than sight.

It is also the sense that allows us to perceive the world at the greatest distance away.

Mindful meditation is often practiced with the breath as the object of our focus,

Sound meditation uses sound as our object of focus. Just as we use the breath to anchor us in the present moment, we use sound to keep us in the here and now.

Let’s try this sound meditation together.

Sound meditation can be practiced indoors or outdoors.

Sound Meditation                                                                                             

Settling in, and making sure you’re comfortable, sitting straight, shoulders relaxed.  You can sit or lay down, whatever keeps you most alert.

Either close your eyes or lower your gaze to a spot in front of you.

Noticing the points of contact that your body is making with the chair or surface you are sitting on.  Noticing if you are holding any tension anywhere in your body. (taking a moment to check) Pause

And seeing if you can let it go of any tension as you allow your body to be supported by the chair or mat.

Just as in awareness of the breath meditation, when our attention gets pulled away, we gently re-focus on sound or sounds.

Follow the instructions as best as you can.

I will leave spaces with no talking between the guiding for you to practice.

And now bringing attention to your breath.

Allowing the breath to move all the way down to your stomach.

Not forcing your breath in any way, but allowing your body to breathe naturally and at its own pace.

And noticing where you feel the breath most in your body– your stomach, your chest, your nose/nostrils? Taking a moment to notice (pause)

Can you hear your breath entering and leaving your body?

Resting your attention on the sound of your breath. Pause

Any time your attention wanders, bringing it back to the sound –as many times as you need to.

Imagining that all that exists is the sound of your breath. Pause

And now expanding our awareness and paying attention to the sounds in the room around us. And if there is no sound at all, then noticing that.

Sounds around you, sounds from within you (and your body) such as your breath,

Being fully open to any sounds around you or within you.

And being aware of hearing at his moment.

We practice without judging the sounds– "this is good, this is bad."

We don’t have to get caught up in the sounds, just allowing them to come and go.

Aware of sound and the space between sounds. Aware of silence. Pause

At any point, if you notice that your mind is distracted, that's okay.

Bringing your attention back to your ears and hearing whatever is in your awareness right now

We allow any sounds around to come to us on their own.

We don’t need to make an effort to hear sounds.

We can be curious about sounds.

Their volume, their pitch, their length. Vibration. Do they change?

Being present to whatever sounds are here– right now.

And allowing any sounds to wash over you and pass through you.

Taking a few more moments to observe your hearing and sounds.

Pause

And maybe feeling some gratitude for all our ears do for us.

How effortless it is for most of us to hear.

Imagine a sound you enjoy and maybe brings a smile to your face.

Pause

And now returning our attention to our breath.

Resting here for a few more moments.

May we merit a year in which we can truly listen to each other and remove any barriers between us, and appreciate all of our senses and sounds around us. 

Mindful Listening Guide Sound Meditation: https://insighttimer.com/skeinon

שנה טובה! Shana Tova

The next 8 week mindfulness course in Jerusalem with Susie Keinon starts

on 5/11/24.

For details and registration: https://chat.whatsapp.com/BsR2dBBfUJUCOoS5i5ZJmL

https://www.mindfulnesswithsusie.com/about-the-mindfulness-course-with-susie

Coping With Stress: How to Lean Towards the Good

We’ve all had those times when we find ourselves spiraling into negative thoughts, pessimism, and dwelling on the bad stuff around us.

Sometimes, our situation is genuinely difficult and painful. Chronic stress, pain, and uncertainty are part of life.   And we might lose hope and stop noticing the positive things around us. It’s during these moments– when we can sink into negativity-  that it’s important to also see the positive, and mindfulness can train our minds to notice the good around us.

I'm not talking about ignoring or minimizing what we’re feeling. We need to make room for those feelings—acknowledge them, process them, and take care of ourselves. But we can also allow ourselves to see the positive things—because they are there too.

Mindfulness practice helps us focus on the present moment, reducing the tendency to overthink past events or worry about the future. By paying attention to current experiences without judgment, we can break the cycle of negative thinking and rumination.

When we are in chronic stressful situations, this can be very challenging. We might feel a loss of control, uncertainty, fears about the future, and simply run down and burned out.

Here are a couple of examples of living with chronic stress: 

Imagine someone caring for her elderly mother with Alzheimer's. She might feel overwhelmed with negative thoughts like, "This will never get better. I’m losing my life to this disease too."  There might be small moments of connection or seeing the ups and downs in her mother’s condition, but she feels overwhelmed by the constant caregiving and the nature of the disease. She struggles to appreciate moments of lucidity or the support from friends.

Or consider someone living with chronic pain, such as chronic back pain. They might feel flooded with negative thoughts like, "I’ll never feel normal again. My life is ruined by this pain." Despite having good pain management days and support from family, there is a struggle to see beyond the daily pain and limitations, not to mention the fear of future pain overshadowing any relief they might experience.

We end up becoming overwhelmed, lost in intense emotions, and fearful of the future. Mindfulness increases awareness of our emotions, making it easier to recognize and address them before they become overwhelming. Regular mindfulness practice helps develop a calm measured response to stressors rather than reacting impulsively.

Mindfulness also helps us accept things we can’t change, helping us cope with uncertainty and change more effectively.

Psychologist and author Rick Hanson developed a practice called “taking in the good” or tilting towards the good. He talks about the negativity bias, which means we tend to remember negative experiences more than positive ones. In the days of the cavemen, this was a good thing—it helped them see potential dangers and protect themselves to survive. Today, it’s less helpful. Focusing more on the negative makes us more anxious, depressed, and irritable. We also miss out on so much of the “good stuff” in our lives.

For most of us, painful experiences are more memorable than pleasurable ones. We’re very good at overlooking our blessings and dwelling on all the bad stuff. We might have a full day, and on the way home, someone cuts us off in traffic or the store is out of what we needed, and that’s what we tell our spouse or roommate. That’s what sticks.

Some of this is built into us, and some we learned growing up. 

How can we hang in there when everything around us is so difficult? How can we keep our faith or trust that things will work out when there is so much chaos around us?

Practicing to take in the good can give us a pause and help us cope with challenges. We might not even notice joy because we’re distracted or we get so used to our experiences and surroundings that they become ordinary. Consciously paying attention can help us appreciate things we didn’t notice.

And it’s a practice, so it’s good to repeat it. That’s how it sinks in. It’s not a one-time exercise.

The good news is that we can train our minds to notice the good and positive too. We can work with our minds and our thinking by making the conscious decision to notice our negative thinking but also notice something positive and incline our minds to the good. Over and over, just like we do in anything we practice or want to learn.

We are going to find something in real life, in real time, that is positive. Something we appreciate now.

Let’s start by taking a moment to get comfortable in a seated position, in a chair, or on a mat or cushion on the floor. Notice your breath. Not thinking about it, or breathing in a certain way, but really feel it coming in and going out. We can learn a lot by observing our breath. What do you notice when you observe your breath? 

Is your mind distracted? Are you thinking about the breath rather than experiencing it? Are you anticipating the next breath? Settle back and let the breath come to you. As many times as you need, remind yourself to let the breath come to you. Feel it.

This is how we can give ourselves some space to rest, which can help us deal with whatever life is dishing out. pause)

Another way we can deal with challenges is to notice the positive. Again, I’m not talking about ignoring or minimizing whatever we’re feeling. We have to make room for that—acknowledge it, process it, deal with it, and take care of ourselves.

Can you find something that is positive, joyful, or a blessing right now—kindness, love, or something else? Notice it. Notice something right now in your life that is positive. It could be anything. We overlook it when we dwell on the negative or bad. 

Take a moment and notice some things around you right now in the room or space you are in. As many things as you notice. (Pause)

Choose one and really sit with it and feel it. When you have it in your mind, let it sit or sink in. Breathe it in, imagine it, feel it, see it, and use whatever other senses you want, (Pause)

What are you feeling? Happy, moved, excited, content, at ease? Something else? 

How is your body responding? What sensations in the body are you noticing? What about thoughts? (Pause)

These blessings are right here in our everyday life. 

So here’s a challenge for you for the next two weeks: Actively and consciously train yourself to notice the blessings in your life right now, moments of joy, gladness, well-being, satisfaction, consciousness, kindness, peacefulness, comfort, ease, happiness—whatever word you like. Notice these as they show up in your life in real time.

And when you do notice such a moment, pause. Really soak it in. Notice how you feel about it emotionally. Notice how your body responds–, are you smiling? Are you taking in a slightly deeper breath? Sighing in pleasure? Do you feel more excited? Happier? Lighter? Moved? Pause and take it in.

Try this– six times a day. Every day. For two weeks.

Doing this six times a day, about 15 seconds each time, for two weeks, can counterbalance your natural negativity bias and ramp up your joy and resilience.

Take the challenge, and let me know how it goes!

**TO LISTEN TO THIS PRACTICE ON INSIGHT TIMER:

On the App: https://insig.ht/CVGXDcxy8Kb

Or

https://insighttimer.com/skeinon/guided-meditations/coping-with-stress-how-to-lean-towards-the-good

The next mindfulness courses will start on 5/11/24. For more information:

https://www.mindfulnesswithsusie.com/about-the-mindfulness-course-with-susie

or in עברית: www.mindfulnesswithsusie.com/he

Mindfulness With Susie

Cultivating Joy in Adar: Exploring Mindfulness as a Path to Happiness

In the month of Adar and there is the expression:  

 When we enter the month of Adar, we increase joy:

  מי שנכנס אדר מרבין בשמחה

How do we enter into joy and cultivate happiness? 

Research on the brain tells us that our brains are wired to notice and remember negative or unpleasant events more than positive ones. It's called a negativity bias.  

We remember traumatic experiences better than positive ones, we recall insults more than praise (such as cognitive distortions), and we react more strongly to negative stimuli. It can protect us from danger like in the olden days. when we had to worry about being chased and eaten by a wild animal. These days the negativity bias doesn’t necessarily protect us.

What can we do?

In mindfulness practice, we train ourselves to observe our feelings and thoughts more objectively which can impact how and what we remember, and see our experiences as they really are.

The act of remembering recurs throughout the Jewish calendar--we are told to remember both from our past and the present: remember the Shabbat, remember the orphan, widow and stranger, remember the Exodus from Egypt, Shabbat Zachor which is coming up, and more.

Remember (זכור ) is mentioned at least 200 times in the Torah and it is central to the survival of the Jewish people. 

One of the things that challenges us to remember are distractions and multitasking. So when we intentionally remember, we can improve our focus and memory.

Pausing during the day can help us focus and remember. 

There is a clear link between meditation practice and enhanced memory. Mindfulness meditation, even when practiced a few minutes each day, changes brain structure and enhances memory, according to Dr. John Teasdale, one of the pioneers of Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy,

When we take a moment or a few moments to take a breath and notice our body sensations and feelings, it can help us to bring awareness to all our experiences, both positive and negative. This can have a calming effect.

And that is one way to allow us to enter into happiness in the month of Adar and Purim.

There is a connection in Megillat Esther.

The book of Esther captures this mindful lesson:

כימים אשר־נחו בהם היהודים מאויביהם והחודש אשר נהפך להם מיגון לשמחה ומאבל ליום טוב”

“[The Jews should celebrate] as on days on which the Jews rested from their enemies and the same month which had been transformed for them from sorrow to joy and from mourning to festivity."  - Esther 9:22

Like the Jews in the megillah, in our practice, we are also seeking a certain type of rest from our enemies, not external enemies in this case, but internal ones– our deeply ingrained habits can cause us difficulties and pain. 

If we can continue to bring our attention to the present, we find that it can free us from our habits, from our natural tendencies of how we interpret our reality.  

Each of us, no matter what our story is, we have our natural tendencies.

The problem is not that we have our habits and natural tendencies, but that we lose ourselves within them, and we mistake our habituated responses and thought for the truth.

When we lose ourselves in our habits, in the ways that we see the world, we end up acting in unhealthy ways towards ourselves and others.  We might misinterpret what someone says or does and get hurt or  triggered and say something to hurt someone else. The purpose of our practice is to free us from those unhealthy habits; it comes to help us to transform נהפוך our habits.

Then, like the verse, our sorrow can be transformed into joy.

אשר נהפך להם מיגון לשמחה ומאבל ליום טוב

This could be the meaning of na'afochu, (turning around) that we celebrate on Purim. It is to reverse our habitual response. 

This is the reversal that we are practicing to do. 

When I encounter something challenging or difficult, what is my natural response? To avoid it! This makes sense, because who wants to struggle and hurt? 

Rather than running away, when we meet pain or the goal is to say to it “Hello experience!" (both the negative and the positive) Or as Rumi says in his poem

The Guest House:

Welcome  them in even if they're a crowd of sorrows, They may be clearing you out for some new delight.

Just how do we do that? Stopping, even for a minute to take a breath and notice our body sensations and feelings, can help us to bring awareness to all experiences, both positive and negative and take us off auto pilot and our automatic behavior. It can also help us to be more present in what we’re doing as we’re doing it. 

Let’s try this STOP practice together: 

STOP practice explanation

S = Stop

Stop or take a break from what you’re doing; and pause for a moment.

T = Take

Take a few deep breaths. If you’d like to extend this, you can take a minute to breathe normally and naturally and follow your breath coming in and out of your nose.The breath is an anchor to the present moment. Breathing mindfully is a good way to center yourself in the present moment. Let’s take a few breaths

O = Observe

Observe your experience just as it is—including thoughts, feelings, and emotions. 

So you can reflect and notice that thoughts are not facts and not permanent—they come and go. Notice any emotions present (such as worry, boredom, anger or contentment) and how they’re being expressed or showing up in the body. Sometimes just naming your emotions can have a calming effect. Then notice your body’s physical sensations such as tension, discomfort, or body temperature)? Check in with yourself and ask “ How am I doing right now?” Take a moment to do this

P = Proceed

Proceed and continue to go about your day. Let your attention move around you, sensing how things are right now. Rather than react habitually, can you be curious and open?

Ask yourself what you need at this moment.

You can use STOP regularly to help you ground yourself throughout the day.

                                                                               

What would it be like in the days, weeks, and months ahead if you started stopping more often?

Our habits have a big influence on us, but when we practice mindfulness, they can have less control over us and we create the space to have more control over how we react throughout our day.

 

For example, you might note how your impatience makes it impossible for you to effectively solve problems. So you do a STOP as you feel yourself getting impatient before you act or respond. 

It's also very important is to practice being understanding and patient with yourself. How we talk to ourselves? Can we soften a harsh or critical voice?

Through mindfulness practice, we can lay our inner enemies to rest. 

We can turn our suffering into joy, our mourning into an opportunity for rejoicing. 

It is hard work, trying to transform our natural responses. But it is possible.

Just as the promise of liberation that Purim holds out to us, take this time as an opportunity to connect to your true self, and see if you can transform your habitual patterns so that your suffering can be transformed into joy.

Purim Sameach.

To listen to this on Insight Timer:

https://insig.ht/W6sIUdiSJHb

https://insighttimer.com/skeinon/guided-meditations/cultivating-happiness-and-purim

*The next mindfulness-based stress reduction course starts on 5/11/.24 in Jerusalem.

For more information: 

https://www.mindfulnesswithsusie.com/he/mindfulness-course-with-susie-lp HEB

https://www.mindfulnesswithsusie.com/about-the-mindfulness-course-with-susie ENG